Alright everyone. This is a blog I wrote back in February as we were waiting and begging for a court date. We did finally get the court order for JJ’s adoption, but as a result of corona, we are back to waiting. However, in a time when many, if not all of us, are stuck in waiting and fear I felt this was the right time to finally put these words and feelings out there. It's been over a year since I blogged, and I have nothing much I can say about that except what's written below. 

It’s been impossible for me to blog until now. This last year has been probably the most stressful of my life. It’s not that we’ve really suffered or struggled, but every time I sat down to write I found that I had no words.
In part, I think it was too hard to put down on paper what was in my heart. Fear reigned in my life for the last year. I trusted that God would do what was good, but still fear trickled in. I think I was afraid that if I put my fears into words, I would somehow cause them to become more real.
Unless you are an adoptive/foster parent, I don’t think I can explain the sort of fear that haunts your every move knowing that at any moment someone could come and take your child away. JJ is our son as sure as anything I know, but with one word a judge could rule that we would never see him again. I pray that anyone who has never known that fear would never have to. It colored every memory with JJ. I’d be laughing and cuddling with my sweet boy on the couch, when suddenly I was cold with fear that today would be the day they came knocking. I dreamed of having him ripped from my arms in a court room as I screamed, kicked, and fought. Every cancelled court date was another drop further into the land of fear. As someone who tends to be high anxiety anyway, this was a feeling of drowning in fear.
I wrestled often with how to trust the Lord in the midst of fear that was never far away. Could I say I trusted God if fear still had its claws sunk into my heart? In the end I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know that I tried. I prayed often ‘Lord, I believe, help my unbelief’. I worshipped through tears of terror each time the judge was not present. I pushed through on days where just feeding JJ breakfast felt like too monumental a task.
The fear of JJ being taken away was compounded by the fact that I knew it could happen and I would have no power to stop it. In the USA, I knew that if someone tried to take away JJ I would be able to go to court, plead my case, and hopefully get justice. But when the justice system around is full of corruption and bribery, you become unable to trust that justice will be done (by man). These months and months of waiting forced me to acknowledge that the only true justice comes from God. He is the judge with whom I can plead my case.
I struggled with prayer in these times. After the first court date fell through, and the next 5 soon after, I didn’t know how to make my requests known to God. I didn’t doubt that God was faithful and good, but I began to doubt that I was praying well. I have combed and dug through the Psalms trying to understand what it is to pray well, as David did. In the end I realized it was almost never about asking God to do things, but rather telling Him what was happening and how I felt about it. David rarely asks God for things in the Psalms, and when he does it is after he has poured out his heart to God. My prayers shifted from ‘Let the judge say yes’ and ‘let him just show up’ to raging at the Lord about the injustice surrounding us. I found that I wasn’t only angry and distressed for us, but for every person stuck waiting in this endless cycle of corruption and delays. We weren’t the only ones being denied justice by those with power. I found my heart being softened to those around me.
I had lived almost 2 years in a position of vulnerability and lack of power. Many of my friends have lived every day of their life in that position. I began to understand (at least in some measure) why the heart of God rages against injustice and taking advantage of the vulnerable. More than ever I have come to understand why it is an imperative of Scripture to care for the poor, the weak, the underprivileged, the abused, and the vulnerable. As our court dates were pushed and delayed and ignored, I began to feel a heart cry to God to save us and bring justice to be done. How much more so do those whose families have been murdered or attacked? Those who have lost everything to thieves? Those who have been forced from their homes due to greed? Some of those people waited beside us in the court every time, also praying for justice to come to pass. I’m so thankful that in this, the end result is that JJ will be with us. I can’t imagine being one of the ones who is forever waiting for justice that is not done on this earth.
If anything, this time of waiting has given me a clearer picture of my duty as a believer in Jesus. As someone who has power and privilege, education and influence, as someone who has been taught that I can do anything I set my mind to, it is my solemn responsibility to stand up for those who cannot. Two years of powerlessness in one area of my life was enough to drive me into a life filled with fear; I cannot begin to imagine how those whose whole lives have been stripped of dignity and safety must feel every day.
If we as believers in Jesus cannot share His heart to care for the downtrodden, those taken advantage of, those society rejects, can we even say we understand His mission? God’s heart cares for the orphan, the widow, the sojourner, the refugee, the abuse victim, the fearful, the slave… If waiting has taught me anything, it is that I have only begun to understand the depths of sorrow brought on by injustice and fear. It showed me that we have a God who walks with us in those times when it seems dark. We have a God who stands with us in the waiting. We have a God who sits with the brokenhearted and weeps with them. If we as followers of Jesus aren’t also doing those things, I think we have missed an essential part of the calling of God in Christ. 

'A Life Overseas' is like an online missionary blog community. I find some of the blogs written there helpful, some interesting, some confusing, some so relatable, etc. Their blogs inspired this one. I have long found the experiences of missionaries to be fascinating. One of the reasons I developed a love for missions is because I read biographies of famous missionaries. I don't often write about life as missionary so much as what God has been showing me, because that is universally applicable. However, I think there is great value in sharing the reality of what missions looks like in our context (and what I have learned from it).

I think it is important to understand what younger-Kristin pictured a missionary life being before we move on. I always pictured huts, trees, spears, gunfire, fighting diseases with nothing but leaves, warfare, danger, excitement, thrilling heroics, and the like. (Picture a lady Indiana Jones and you will about have it.) Now I think it is a safe rule to assume that something we decide to do that is new is almost never as exciting as we think it will be, nor is it as easy. Missions is no different. We don't live in a jungle-hut alongside an undiscovered people fighting off pirates and disease; someone somewhere might, but not the Coupal's. Although this sounds like a child's dream, in some ways I still expected hints and flavors of this in our life when we first got on the plane to Uganda. And I suppose there has been adventure and danger at times... But the reality of our life is the adventure of constant adaptability.

People ask me a lot what I think the most important thing is for a missionary. First, and most important, is a deep love and understanding of Scripture. We would never expect a pastor to need someone to teach him in order to read the Bible, but for some reason we send out missionaries all the time who can't feed themselves from the Word of God (side rant). The second is adaptability. In the US I was a wife, an ICU nurse, and a kid's/youth ministry worker. Those were the things I would have told you about myself. How I saw myself was incredibly inflexible. Then I got on a plane to move to Africa.

Here are some of the things I have become since then: a housekeeper, student, cook, vet, nurse, Bible-teacher, secretary, accountant, exterminator, writer, marketing manager, administrator, pharmacist, translator, web-designer, tour guide, liaison, graphic-designer, counselor, taxi service, errand runner, plumber; expert and novice. Now perhaps several of these were true in America, but not the extent that I feel them here. Because even though I am capable of doing many of these things in the States, I often find myself feeling like a child in my new culture.

I remember the first time I drove anywhere on my own after getting my driver's license. I was driving myself to work at my first job. I felt like a newborn deer trying to learn to walk. I got places and did things, but everything felt shaky beneath my feet because it was all new. That is often how I feel as I take on each new role in my new context. I can go to the bank, but I feel nervous and hesitant because everything is different, and I probably have to re-write the letter to withdraw what I need. I can drive, but it still feels like my depth perception is off because I'm on a new side of the car and road. I can order medications but I have to look everything up like a new graduate from school because all the names and diseases are different here. I can teach a kid's Sunday School (I've been doing that since I was 13) but they never quite understand me because we need a translator. Even a basic greeting to someone feels unstable here, because I have to translate my words into a language that is based on hearing tones and using parts of my throat I never have before.

I recently learned to build a website and design a brochure. I have never really done this before. But the ministry needed these things done, and no one on the team we have knows how. So we asked for help, and we learned together. I think that is a key to missions, learning together. Because there isn't someone we can just call up, pop by, or message real fast to get things done. Life works differently in this context, and even the familiar help is 9 hours behind us on the clock. We have a golden window of a few hours when we are awake at the same time as our US counterparts. So we learn how to do things here and now. Often, we can ask our blessed local friends how and what to do. Often we can't.

So all of my hopes and dreams about missions as a child are far from accurate. But life certainly isn't lacking in adventure; it's just different adventures. It is the adventure of saying 'I am mentally disturbed' when you mean 'I have a headache' because you don't know the right words. It is the adventure of eating fried ants because you know it will offend your friends if you pass, because they made them for you, and because that was very sweet of them. It's the adventure of adapting. Some days we call 'routine' here but the truth is you never really have a routine. Because no two days ever truly look the same. And even the mundane is an adventure, because we are children in this context learning how to do life all over again. We are becoming more than we ever dreamed because the ministry needs skills we don't have.

The amazing thing is that even in the discomfort of learning new things, there is growth. Not just in skills I never had before, but in my faith. You should not become a missionary if you like to feel adequate, because you won't. None of us IS adequate but nothing teaches you that truth like cross-cultural living. If, however, you want to learn your desperate need for Christ in a deep and intimate way, missions might be for you. I never knew the meaning of 'pray without ceasing' until I couldn't accomplish anything without prayer. Even cooking now has me praying 'Lord, let that temperature on the oven be the right one. Let that chicken be done! Please please let us eat before the power goes out or we run out of propane for the oven!' This is has been the greatest adaption in my life over the last two years, learning my own inadequacy.

My first missions trip to Mexico left me feeling so capable, so valuable, so confident. Little did I know that those feelings were the result of strong team leaders and very (very very very very) gracious and patient missionaries on the field. It is easy to feel like we are getting into long term missions to save our host country, heck, even the world. The truth is, missions teaches you very fast that it is only by God's grace that you can do anything at all. It is impossible to feel superior to a place when I have to ask how to us the toilet, or where to buy rice. Instead you have to embrace being a bumbling toddler learning how to talk and do for the first time. But that learning gives the chance for child-like faith that I never could have experienced outside of missions. I come from a place that values independence and strength. But Jesus has called each of us to a life of dependence on Him, of humility and meekness. It took me not knowing how to make a phone call to truly learn what that looks like in my life.

As I write this I am sitting in a bank lobby waiting for someone to arrive because the paperwork that was going to be done 2 Thursdays ago still isn't done. We are coming up on hour 4 of waiting this week because the bank didn't do their paperwork properly. It isn't a grand adventure of swashbuckling and drama. It's a "normal" day here in Gulu, Uganda. But it is a lesson is adaptability and relying on the Lord for my daily needs. And in the end, I think that is the greatest adventure of all.

    Hey everyone. I apologize once again for being untimely in the blogging. It seems that the last month was the blink of an eye. I have had a hard time deciding what to blog on. With how fast everything has moved, I find it hard to sit down and process long enough to develop a thought that could become a blog post. Jon has been going to church an hour early on Sundays, which gives me time to study. I have been reading through Romans, and this Sunday God really put something on my heart as I read. ​

    “Now therefore, if you will indeed obey My voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession among all peoples, for all the earth is mine; and you shall be to Me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation. These are the words that you shall speak to the people of Israel,” Exodus 19:5-6. This is God’s call to Israel, just before giving the 10 commandments. He is telling Moses to declare to Israel what they are going to be as a nation. A kingdom of priests, a holy nation. Priests were to stand in the gap for sinful people so they could have relationship with God. God’s Kingdom is a kingdom of priests, of people who stand in the gap for others and show them God. A holy nation would be an example of living rightly before God to show the other nations around them what life lived according to the Word of God was. You could say that Israel was to be a nation of missionaries, fulfilling God’s call to make His name known. 

    Fast forward to Romans 9. This chapter is Paul telling the Jewish believers that God has a right to save whoever He wants, including *gasp* gentiles! Then in Romans 10 Paul explains how it is that these lawless gentiles could possibly be saved. He quotes from Deuteronomy to show that even from the beginning it wasn’t a matter of being able to follow the Law, but of having faith in the coming Messiah. “For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved” (verse 10). Then we get to the well-loved Romans 10:14-17. (We even have some of those verses on our postcards for Coupals2Uganda). Because they are great verses to encourage people to consider missions abroad. God is clearly showing the need to preach and teach the Word! Paul brings out the Old Testament references showing that God would reach out to the gentiles. But that isn’t where Romans 10 stops. The next several verses are spent indicting Israel for NOT being a kingdom of priests and a holy nation. 

    Paul isn’t just cheering on future missionaries and evangelists. He is showing the failure of Israel. Israel was to be a kingdom of priests and a holy nation. They had the blessed opportunity to BE the beautiful feet that preach the good news. Instead, Israel hoarded the Word of God and became unfaithful. They traded relationship for religion. And God’s purposes weren’t stopped, but Israel lost the blessing of being the ones to faithfully declare the Word. Romans 10:21 (the last verse of the chapter) says, “But of Israel he says, “All day long I have held out my hands to a disobedient and contrary people”. Disobedient and contrary people! Israel had the Word of God, they had the directive to show the world, and they were disobedient. 

    How easy it is to be a disobedient and contrary people! So many of us in the church have the mentality that missionaries/pastors/ministry leaders, you name it, are somehow specially equipped and called by God. But God is calling every single person in His church to be a part of the kingdom of priests and holy nation. Just like Israel, we have the Word of God and His directive to make it known. Yet, so often we refuse. We believe that the work of ministry is for someone else. But each and every one of us is called to be the beautiful feet that make the name of Jesus known. 

    As the church we need to take our calling seriously to preach/teach the Word of God. It isn’t for one specially called person; it isn’t for leaders and the super-spiritual. This is the call of God to every believer. Anyone called by the name of Christ belongs to a kingdom of priests and a holy nation. So today, let us refuse to be disobedient and contrary. Let us not fall into an us/them mentality. Let us walk by faith in the promise that God is calling all people to Himself, Jews and gentiles, but we are to be the mouthpiece, declaring the good news. 

    We can have feet that are blessed because we use them to share the good news of Jesus; or we can have feet that are firmly rooted in disobedience and apathy. 

I am reading a book about Hudson Taylor right now. And a few things really stood out to me in the first chapter that I have been reflecting on for the last week or so. I figured I would share them with you, as they are some things I have been learning since we moved to Uganda.

The first is what a blessing a Godly heritage is. When he speaks of his parents he says, “For myself, and the work I have been permitted to do for God, I owe an unspeakable debt of gratitude to my beloved and honored parents who have entered into rest, but the influence of whose lives will never pass away”. I know I feel the same about my parents and how they raised me. Salvation is open to any and all who will have faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ. But what an advantage I have in having been raised in a Godly home. So parents out there, even though it can be hard and is often discouraged by so many; take heart, and raise up your kids to know the Lord. Show them your relationship with him. Hudson Taylor and his siblings grew up watching their father pray in his prayer closet. This allowed them to see a real, vibrant relationship with God. This is what children desperately need in their growing years!

Since moving to Uganda, I have come to have a deep appreciation for the privellige of being able to read the Word of God in my own language. The average American household has 7 Bibles! Many folks in the churches we teach at don’t have a Bible at all, and if they do it isn’t in their native tongue, or is in a difficult to read translation. What a blessing it is that I can open any of my numerous Bibles to hear directly from the God of the universe! There is a video of Chinese believers being given Bibles for the first time and it is very moving. I never appreciated what an incredible gift that would be. I have been spoiled in never having been deprived of being able to get into God’s Word. Even as a child, I had a picture Bible. That is a gift many people do not have. It is something the American church takes for granted and it has made us so very lazy.

The second thing I have been reflecting on comes from the first. Since moving to Uganda and spending my days really studying the Old Testament in relation to the New, I have been blown away. It is so easy for us in the west to write off the Old Testament. “We are New Testament believers,” we cry. “We are under grace, not the Law,” we proudly proclaim. And all of this is true. But I can tell you from firsthand experience, that there is a depth of relationship that can only be acheived by study of the entire Bible. About Hudson Taylor and his incredible work for the Kingdom it was said, “God’s character was his only confidence; God’s Word was the sole foundation for his feet.” Americans live in a day where there are books on every subject available. But I would submit to you with full confidence that the only thing a believer needs to walk in the ways they ought is to study the Bible.

Many people have asked us why we teach pastors only the Bible, Genesis to Revelation. But when you look at men like Hudson Taylor, Charles Spurgeon, or even Paul the Apostle, these men didn’t have commentaries on every book of the Bible. They studied God’s Word and placed their faith in those truths. They let the Bible be its’ own commentary and understood it as one story with one glorious message. When you read and study Scripture, it enables and compels you to walk in the ways of God. One thing I have gained from studying Scripture as we have been is the confidence that the Bible is one cohesive message.

I used to fear reading the Old Testament because I didn’t understand it. “It’s too hard and it doesn’t even apply anymore,” I would say. But I was so very wrong. The Old Testament was God beautifully weaving His story into the hearts and lives of men and women. It is the very confirmation of Jesus being who He claimed! It is the heartbeat of God pointing forward to the promised Messiah. I never appreciated how incredible Jesus’ life and death was until I began to understand the Old Testament.

So I would encourage each of us to spend more time in studying God’s Word. Men like Hudson Taylor aren’t our examples of our Savior. But lives like his and other’s show what God can accomplish with only a willingness of heart and a passion for sharing God’s Word.

We just passed Valentine's Day, a day many people use to show affection to their spouse. But if we want Jesus to be pictured in our marriage just as clearly, then every day must be Valentine's Day. I am not saying that we should get chocolates and flowers every day (though I do love chocolate).The story of Ruth is often taught as a love story of the Bible. I grew up in Sunday School on the story of Ruth and Boaz. Well as we studied Ruth this month for Terebinth, I was struck by the beauty of the love story; not of Ruth and Boaz. No, the story of Ruth is the story of Jesus and the church. There are so many elements in this book that point us forward to the coming Christ. Boaz had already dedicated his life to following God's Word; Ruth moved by faith to Israel to worship the one true God. Those two people were seeking God with their whole hearts. Then God brought them together and they continued to seek God. THIS is what made their marriage such a clear picture of Jesus. In the same way, when we choose to seek God with our whole hearts, our marriage will reflect Christ and be a witness to the world around us. So this February 15th, remember to seek Christ in your life and relationships. Remember the love story in the book of Ruth, that Jesus redeems us and gives us life.

Boaz is a picture of Jesus redeeming His church. He doesn't allow Ruth to glean from his field because she was pretty and young; but because he was following the Law. Leviticus 19:9-10 is one of the places in the Law where God commands that the sojourner, orphan and widow be able to glean from the fields. The Bible calls Boaz "a worthy man" (Ruth 2:1). This points us to Christ being the only one truly worthy to stand before God. He was the worthy representative of mankind. Boaz wasn't worthy because he did right things, but because he had faith AND obedience. He is the kinsman redeemer of Ruth's family, but that on its own has nothing to do with marriage. Deuteronomy 25:5-10 is where this idea of marriage to continue the line comes from. But it only speaks of the deceased's brother. This means that Boaz did not HAVE to marry Ruth. He chose to. He chose to marry her and redeem the land and carry on the name of his kinsman. Just as Jesus did not have to redeem His bride, but chose to out of love.

Ruth was a Moabitess. She was a gentile and foreigner or a sojourner. She left her family and everything she knew to go with Naomi (she was fatherless). And she was a widow. Each of these things is in the Law concerning the gleaning of the fields, but is also our spiritual state without Christ. Without Christ we are spiritually orphaned, have no husband and no home. But in Christ we can have relationship with our heavenly Father, we become the bride of Christ, and He is preparing a place for us to dwell with Him forever! What Boaz offered Ruth by marrying her is exactly what Christ offers us in salvation.

Naomi tells the women to call her Mara (bitterness). Throughout this story she goes from being called pleasant to demanding that everyone call her bitter. She was bitter against God because she believed that He had turned against her. But throughout Ruth's story of redemption, we also see Naomi's. Naomi was bitter and angry with God in chapter 2. Then in chapter 4 we see the birth of a son. Through this son born to Ruth, the women declare to Naomi, "Blessed be the LORD, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel. He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourished of your old age..." If that doesn't sound like it is pointing forward to Jesus I don't know what is! Not only is this a pre-picture of Christ, but Jesus actually comes through the line of the child who is born, Obed.

So in Ruth we have the greatest love story ever told. But it isn't because two people got married. It's because even in the Old Testament, God was pointing to Jesus who would come and be our redeemer, our restorer of eternal life. My hope and prayer in my own marriage, and hopefully in yours' too, is that Jesus would be represented just as clearly.

​Merry Christmas (almost)! I love Christmas season, it is one of my favorite things. When we were back in Colorado I was the lady who decorated in October. (Note: I no longer do that here since it is HIGHLY strange haha). This is a blogpost about Christmas, and missions. To be 100% honest, I didn’t really want to write it. However, the Lord has really been stirring my heart, so what can you do? 

Christmas is a time where we celebrate the long, arduous travels of a 9 months-pregnant girl and her husband. Both were stepping out in crazy huge faith to believe in the promises of God. They ended up far from home and had a baby in a barn. Not long after they had to flee to a foreign land, again, on the word of God. That is the kind of thing I can’t imagine experiencing; though I do have a better idea now. 

People have asked Jon and I so many questions about our life over here: what do we love, what do we hate, what do we eat, what do we wear, what is easy, what is hard…? Many people assume the biggest sacrifice is bunking with bugs, or having slithery neighbors right outside, and those are not some of the more enjoyable parts. However, the biggest sacrifice hasn’t been giving up my jeans for a skirt or learning to cook from scratch. It isn’t the copious bug bites itching our ankles or the heat reaching the 90’s for Christmas. The biggest sacrifice of most, if not every, missionary/missionary family is knowing that we won’t be “home for Christmas” (go ahead and hum the tune in your head, I did). Now, I don’t just mean Christmas as in December 25. I mean the birthdays, holidays, big events, little events, joys and sorrows that come with living life in a place. So many of us have family and friends back in [insert wherever we come from]. I know that back in Colorado, Christmas doesn’t feel quite like it should for our families. I know that our stockings are a reminder that this year part of their hearts is across the world.

It is hard not being with family for Christmas, but it is even harder knowing how much they feel it. It is hard for us overseas missionaries to know that our absence makes the holidays (and other events) just a little bit bleak for those who love us back in our first home. But it also brings me back to the first Christmas. 

I can’t help but wonder if missing our family isn’t a small picture of how God the Father must have felt on that first Christmas too. I’ve made the comparison before of the sending out of their sons/daughters for the sake of the gopsel and the Father sending the Son. But around Christmas I see it so much more clearly. How wonderful a sacrifice it was for Jesus to come. We’ve never known perfect fellowship with our parents (although they are the best). Jesus was in perfect fellowhsip and relationship with the Father; He was creator and ruler of all. And on that first Christmas He became a tiny baby for my sake, for yours. I can’t imagine how much the Father missed the Son, how much heaven missed Him. 

I think the Christian life is meant to reflect and mimic Jesus’ life. I think that should be even more so for the cross-cultural missionary. Because even though the sacrifice of being away is hard, we aren’t the first ones to do it. Because the King who holds our hearts became the best cross-cultural missionary for me. Because even though there is missing each other
 in being so far from family during these big events, God the Father sent the Son far away on that first Christmas too. If the God of the Universe can choose to sacrifice everything He ever had to welcome me into His family, I think the only reasonable response is for me to do the same for others.

So this Christmas we will be missing family. There will be that little bit of sadness even in the celebration. But I am comforted beyond measure in the fact that we are following in the footsteps of Jesus. I am comforted that our family has a better understanding of the heart of God because they sent their children out for the sake of the gospel. And I am comforted in all things and all pains that one day I get to stand before my Savior and celebrate Christmas eternally.